Desidaria sat in the bathroom ready to cry again. She had been cramping so knew her period was probably coming but had deeply wished and begged the heavens it wasn’t. Their first child had just turned five last month and she still hadnt conceived another wolf pup. Having this disappointment yet another month was heart shattering, especially after one of the other she wolves comments. One of the many women her husband had slept with during his days of shoving himself in all the women he could was in their pack, had been when he had sex with her so of course was still there now. Every now and then she would get snotty and make negative comments about the fact Desidaria couldn’t seem to get pregnant again. Her most recent one being “good thing for you we aren’t back in the old days. An alphas mate that couldn’t produce babies was knocked out of her position and replaced with an actually fertile female” Most time she could brush off catty women but it didn’t help her that Trevor had so easily thrown her away before and could honestly do it again.
He always told her she was his world and he couldn’t live without her but he had said those things before kicking her out so there wasn’t any security in those words any longer. Once upon a time those comforts would have made all the difference but his love for her was about equal to the pack in her mind. They had accepted her when he told them he needed her without too much of a fight so she didn’t know if he would have truly stood his ground for her or if he was bluffing to his pack then in hopes he could have her and the pack.
If she could just get pregnant again these insecurities wouldn’t be so bad and truly wouldnt be there atall but no matter how much they had sex or kept track of her ovulation nothing was happening. Most of her knew he would keep her but a small part of her worried his pack would complain again and she’d be back on the curb because they mattered more than the amount of love he had for her. “Mommy?” her son said from the other side of the door. Desidaria wiped her face “yes precious?”
“Yeah baby. I’ll be out in a second”
“Just wait and I’ll make you grilled cheese”
“ok, love you”
“Love you too” Desidaria smiled. Atleast if Trevor decided to cast her away again to make his pack happy she would have her little boy. If getting back with the man she had once forgiven for sleeping around and then had to forgive for throwing her away when his pack didn’t like it was anything it had given her a little boy that she was incredibly proud of and loved with all her heart. She would have him forever and that was enough to make her stop crying and clean herself up to go enjoy the day.
“You have to just let go guys, it’s really easy if you just let go.” Trevor said as he helped some of the other pack members teach their little ones to shift shape. He loved that they were so eager to learn and that they were persistent in their attempts to change from their human forms to their wolf forms. One little boy started crying and he squatted down in front of him. “What’s wrong buddy?”
“I think he’s just a little exhausted.” The boy’s mother, Saffron said.
“How about we stop until tomorrow then. Everyone go ahead and take the little ones home for nap time.”
They picked up their children and Trevor stretched his arms above his head. “The children certainly seem to enjoy learning from you.” He very nearly let out a groan.
“Meg, can I help you?”
“What happened to calling me Megaera?”
“The last time I called you that was after were finished having sex.”
“I like the way it sounds when you it.”
He rolled his eyes. He had sensed the tension in the air between her and Desidaria lately and he didn’t like it. “I need to see my mate, excuse me.” He walked away and he could feel her glaring at him. The only reason she was still around was because he thought the females would have gotten the message the minute he brought Desidaria back into the pack and most of them had. The only one who seemed hell bent on trying to get into his pants was Megaera.
“Daddy.” Aubin exclaimed and ran to him.
“Hey there buddy, how have you been?”
“Good, I missed you.”
“Well you could have joined everyone outside. How about we go play in the woods after I eat.”
Trevor hugged his mate from behind then gently kissed her neck as she finished putting lunch of plates. She smiled then he took the plates from her so she could just sit. He noticed Desidaria was a little down but could tell she had started her time of month so already knew why. He wanted to quit trying for more children all together. He hated how disappointed she would end up when her period came since it meant no baby. They had Aubin and that was enough. He decided he would talk to her about it later because he couldn’t keep watching her get so sad.
They ate then Trevor gave his wife a long kiss “I love you”
‘Love you too. Have fun with Aubin”
“You aren’t coming?”
“I think I’ll just go lay down. Dont feel too well”
“Ok, why don’t we cuddle and watch somthing together when Aubin gos to bed”
‘I’d love that” he pressed their foreheads together as an act of intimacy “You are my everything Desi” She smiled then he walked out with a very excited Aubin. Desidaria put the plates in the sink then went to her room to watch somthing on Netflix. Aubin and Trevor stripped then changed into wolves since that was Aubins favorite way to play. Plus they ran more in wofl form and he wanted to really ware his son out so he could talk to Desidaria about stopping trying to get pregnant again.
They ran and wrestled until Aubin changed back into a human, panting hevaily. Trevor changed back with a smile and lifted his son “lets get you a bath then” At this point it was a little past seven so Trevor knew Desi had already cooked dinner and it was waiting on them. “You two have fun?” she asked. “always” Aubin said then sat down for his meal. Desidaria warmed up their food and set the two plates on the table. She had already eaten but she sat with them anyway to hear about their fun.
Aubin talked to his mom excitedly about what he and his father did. She just listened with a smile. Nothing could make her happier than her little boy being happy. If Trevor did leave her over this she would make sure he got to see his son. She knew being his child he probably wouldn’t get the boot like she could and he was an amazing father.
“Alright little man, bedtime.” Trevor said and Aubin groaned. “Now, now, sleep is good for a growing boy. You want to a big, strong alpha someday don’t you?”
“Then come on, to bed.” He lifted his son and Desidaria followed them upstairs to watch him tuck Aubin in. He was so good with their little one and hoped some day she could give her son siblings. Once Trevor had the door closed he lifted Desidaria and carried her back down to the living room. He sat with her in his lap and pulled her down for a kiss, pouring all of his love into it.
“I love you Trevor.”
“I love you too Desi and it kills me you’re so sad.”
She frowned and he brushed his knuckles over her cheek. “I’m sorry, I just really want more children.”
“Maybe we should quit trying for awhile.”
She shook her head. “No.”
“I hate seeing you like this, please lets stop trying.” She teared up and he hated himself for sounding so cross. He wasn’t mad at her, not even a little, he just wanted her to be happy again. He pulled her head down onto his shoulder and she started crying. “I’m sorry, please don’t cry.”
“It’s just not fair, I want to give Aubin siblings, I want to give you more children. I hate it.”
“I know, you’ve just been so upset about it. Stressing yourself over getting pregnant probably isn’t helping. Lets just take a small break okay?”
“I’ll try to relax more but we cant stop trying. Please, i dont want to. Aubins already going to have a big enough age difference as it is”
“we’re immortal, that hardly matters”
‘Trevor, I don’t want to stop” He sighed, not being able to take her tears he dropped it for now. He had full intention of bringing this up again when she wasn’t so upset. When she was done crying they turned on a show they had been watching together. They watched until Desidaria was sleeping soundly in his lap. He sighed, hating she still looked upset in her sleep. He carried her carefully up stairs then slid Desi under the covers. Trevor then got in and rested his head on her chest, tuning into her heartbeat and hoping he could convince her just having one or taking a break from trying was a good idea.
She and Aubin was all he truly needed. More kids would be nice but he wouldn’t care atall if they never had another. The next morning Desi wasn’t surprised atall to find herself in bed. He always just carried her up if she fell asleep downstairs. She smiled then slowly moved her arms so she could hold him.
He inhaled sharply and opened his eyes, smiling. “Good morning beautiful.”
He gave her a soft kiss. “You feeling better?”
“I’m cramping, but other than that I’m fine.”
“Want me to get you some Midol or something?” He stroked her cheek.
“We have Tylenol in the medicine cabinet.”
“Let me get you some then.” He gave her another kiss and got out of bed. He retrieved the Tylenol from the medicine cabinet and filled the glass he kept next to the sink. He went back to her and handed her the glass so he could get a couple of Tylenol out for her.
“Thank you baby.” She said when he handed the pills to her then popped them into her mouth and drank the entire glass of water.
“Do you have to go into work today?”
“Just for a couple of hours. I have an article that’s due tomorrow and I didn’t transfer the file over to my laptop.”
“Let me make you breakfast first” Desidaria smiled “why?”
“why? Does a mate need a reason to make his wife breakfast?”
“I guess not”
“You’re hurting and I made you cry yesterday so I want to make you breakfast. Better yet I’ll make it and bring it up here to bed.”
‘I really want a shower before I go to work. I’ll hope in then wait up here”
“Ok” Trevor gave her a long kiss. “Blueberry pancakes?”
“please” he smiled in that incredibly handsome way that made her knees weak then went to see if their son was awake. He typically played in his bedroom until they were up. “morning” he said to his son when he saw him wide awake and playing with his toys “morning dad. Whats for breakfast?”
“Yummy, is mom downstairs making them?’
“I’m making them. I’m going to give her breakfast in bed because she doesn’t feel good”
“Can I help? I can slice her oranges” Trevor smiled “of course you can. Come on but be careful. If you cut yourself your mom will have my head”
“I’m careful” Desidaria let the heat help relax her. She couldn’t wipe the smile off her face as she thought of how sweet Trevor was being this morning. He truly was a sweetheart which was why she worried so much about the pack getting him to kick her out again. How was she supposed to be happy with another man after being with Trevor so long. She was determined to quit stressing and start looking into some things she could take to make herself more fertile. She had to give him atleast one more pup so they wouldn’t have a reason to tell him she had to go. She knew if she just tried harder and maybe even underwent treatment she could get pregnant again.
Trevor watched his son cut, not wanting the wrath of an angry mommy on her period if he let their son cut himself with a kitchen knife. He breathed easier once his son finished then concentrated on the pancakes. When all was ready he set some aside for their son and himself then put the rest on a plate for Desidaria. Aubin excitedly got the tray so his dad could set everything on it. “Thank you for the help”
“I just want mom to be happy. I don’t know whats wrong with her but it has to be pretty bad for her to cry in the bathroom”
“Yesterday, right before you came home she was sitting in the bathroom crying until I knocked. Then she tried to pretend she wasnt crying, you know how mom is. She ‘never’ cries. nothing ever bothers her. So, since I know that isn’t true I’m glad you’re doing somthing to make her feel better. You can pretend you cut the oranges. I did a really good job” Aubin ran off to play as if he had simply told his dad they painted somthing together yesterday.
Desidaria nearly jumped out of her skin when she walked out of the bathroom and Trevor was leaning against the wall next to the door. “Don’t do that.” She said, her heart threatening to burst from her chest.
“I’m sorry love.”
Desidaria sat down on their bed and he took her plate from off the chest of drawers and handed it to her. He sat down in front of her, watching her as she took her first bite. “Delicious as always.” She said.
“Aubin said I could take credit, but he cut the orange up and did a really good job.”
“You let him play with a knife?”
“Not play, he’s far too young for that. I watched him closely and made sure he didn’t get a single scratch.”
“As long as he was careful I guess.”
He waited until she had nearly cleaned her plate before asking, “Why were you crying in the bathroom yesterday?” Her eyes jumped to his face and she opened her mouth. “Aubin told me so please don’t deny it love, I need to know.”
She sat her silverware down and felt her herself growing sad. “I was just hormonal.”
“I was hormonal, I just started my period so I was feeling emotional.”
He sighed and picked up her plate. “Alright, if that’s what it was then that’s what it was. Just remember you can talk to me about anything Desidaria, anything at all.”
“I know baby” He knew she wasn’t being fully honest but he was willing to drop it. He had a suspicion it had to do with Megaera and he was going to get to the bottom of it while she was gone. Trevor wasn’t going to let her upset and disrespect his mate. He knew he had been an idiot back then for throwing Desidaria out and putting the pack before his heart. It probably sent the wrong message to the members of how they could treat her and who was important to him but Megaera was going to be taught a lesson. He went through so much heartache and depression when Desidaria wasn’t around and he would be damned if he would let Megaera think she could treat Desidaria anyway like before.
He couldn’t live without Desidaira. She was truly the only mate for him so they all needed to learn that or could find a new pack. Desidaria hugged her son tightly, wishing he hadn’t told his fatherbut knew her son only cared about her. “Love you mom. Hurry back”
“I will baby. You have a good time with your father. I love you too, so much” She headed out and waved back as her son and husband waved from the porch. “what’re we going to do dad?”
“I have to go to the pack. When we’re there I want you play with the other pups and let me handle somthing ok”
When Desidaria got to work she greeted Emmit then went to her office and switched on her computer. She begin typing up the rest of her article, looking through her notebook to make sure she didn’t miss anything. When she finally finished she printed it out and headed to Emmit’s office. “All done boss.” She said and sat the papers on his desk.
“Awesome, I’ll take it to the editor for you. How are you doing?”
“Fine I guess, just a little tired.”
“You look down, do you want to talk about it?”
“I’m fine, really.”
“If you say so, I bet you said the same thing to Trevor. You know you shouldn’t hide things from people, especially your spouse. So if it has anything to do with him, then you need to talk to him.”
“I know and I will.”
Trevor waited patiently while his Beta rounded everyone up. Aubin and the other pups were in the backyard where they wouldn’t be able to hear what he was about to say. Once everyone was standing obediently in front of him he said, “As I am sure you have all noticed, Desidaria and I have been having trouble conceiving more children. It’s stressful, which doesn’t really help, so it’s been hard on her. Which brings me to my next point, Desi and Aubin are my world, they mean absolutely everything to me. I do not take kindly to anyone mistreating them, especially within the pack.” He turned his gaze to Megaera. “Do not think that I am blind to the fact that there is something wrong going on between you and my mate. I want to make something perfectly clear Meg, I will never give Desidaria up again, I would rather die a slow and painful death than live without her for a minute. So if you ever speak to her again, I will kick you out of this pack and make sure any other pack that lives in this city knows what kind of person you are.”
“what? All I told her was the truth! If these were the old days she wouldn’t be your alpha female since she isnt fertile. One pup is pathetic. An alpha deserves more than that and if you had any sense you’d throw her away again and pick someone who can give you more than one child. You threw her away once because we wanted anyway, you can’t love her. You let ex lovers and betas tell you to cast her to the side and you did. She must mean the world” A majority of the pack actually growled at her because she could continue her childish rant. Trevor had his hands balled so tight he was making himself bleed. “You’re fucking done. You dont even get another chance. Leave right now you bitch!” She was honestly too afraid to open her mouth again because it seemed almost the whole of the pack were looking at her with angry glares.
Megaera just left, knowing with how sexy she was an alpha would accept her even if Trevor said not to. Men often thought more with their penis than brain so she didn’t worry. Desidaria wasn’t surprised the house was empty. No doubt Trevor and Aubin were playing outside or he had taken him somewhere fun. She texted Trevor to let him know she was home then just decided to clean to pass the time.
Trevor was already on the way home with their son when his phone went off ‘thank god, your mothers home. I need to talk to her now. Now I finally know why she’s been getting so sad when her period comes.” It was taking a lot not to cuss he was so mad at Meg. He couldnt even blame Desidaria for worrying. It wasn’t as if she didn’t have any reason to. He treated her just as well then as he did now so how was she supposed to truly know he’d never kick her out again for them.
“Is everything okay dad.” Aubin asked.
“Yeah, just when we get home I want you to play in your room so I can talk to mom.”
When they got home Desidaria was just finishing mopping the bathroom floor. Aubin went straight up to his room and Trevor lifted Desidaria into his arms, making her drop the mop. “Trevor, the mop.”
“You can worry about it when we’re done talking.”
“About what?” He took her downstairs and sat with her on the couch.
“Why didn’t you tell me Megaera was being so horrible to you?” She looked at her hands, her heart rate spiking. “Desi, do you really think I’d leave you because you haven’t been able to get pregnant?”
“You threw me away before.”
“And it was the lowest thing I have ever done in my life.” He grabbed her chin and tipped her head up. “I love you Desidaria, I love you more than anything. I broke myself when I threw you away, I would rather die than give you up. Tell me what to do to make you trust me, to make you believe me.” Her lip quivered and he pulled her down to kiss her. “Shh, don’t cry baby, please. Your tears hurt my heart.” He kissed her again and she clung tightly to him. He wiped at the tears on her face. “You’re the love of my life baby, everything about you is so perfect. Do you have any idea what you do to me my love?”
“Drive you crazy?” She said as she wiped at her face.
“You make me whole. I would be lost without your laugh or your smile. I love you so much and nothing is going to change that, ever. I’ll step down as alpha before I give you up.”
“Don’t do that, the pack needs you. Besides, the only one who has given me trouble was Megaera.”
“she’s gone, she left after making the pack angry when I gathered them. I knew somthing was wrong and I made it clear you’re more important. They love you but if it takes me leaving to prove to you you’re more important this time I’ll do it. Just ask me”
“You don’t have to do that. I’m sorry for listening to her. I havent worried for one second you’d leave me until all this time of trying and no baby.”
“That too, please lets just stop. We’ll keep having sex unprotected but I dont want to actually be trying. If it happens we’ll celebrate and if it doesn’t oh well. You and Aubin are all I need. I promise. You’ve given me such an amazing little boy. He’s going to make a great alpha one day.” Desi almost cried again but she manged to keep it together “Ok baby, we dont have to try any longer” Trevor kissed her again “If anybody gives you trouble tell me. I will not tolerate it. Swear to me you’ll tell me”
“Can i get the mop now?’ He laughed ‘let me baby” he ran up to dry the floor and empty the mop bucket. When he was done he told his son he could play whereever he wanted now then returned to his wife. Since Aubin still stayed in his room because Desidaria asked :he didn’t hear any of that stuff did he?’
‘Of course not. I had him go off and play with the other pups”
“I figured, I just dont want him ever worrying over us”
“well he doesn’t have to because i love you both and nothing will change that”
“I just love you so much Trevor and I’ve been insurmountably happy”
“Good, I never want you to be sad.” He gave her a kiss.
“Lets make lunch together.” She said.
“How about I make lunch and you make cookies, Aubin loves your cookies.”
“Right, make them because Aubin loves them.”
Trevor smiled. “You are so precious to me Desi.”
“I love you too.”
They wet into the kitchen and Trevor go to work making burgers while she made oatmeal cookies. The smell of food drew Aubin from his room and both Trevor and Desidaria laughed when they turned and saw him sitting at the kitchen table. “Hold on little man and I’ll get you a burger.” Trevor said as he chopped vegetables.
They both wore huge smiles since they knew their little boys tail would be wagging if he was in wolf form. Aubin quickly ate his dinner when it was given to him so he could have some cookies. Desidaria watched her son happily, finally feeling relaxed and stress free. It had been quite a bit since she felt so good. Trevor could see how much better his mate felt and finally let go of his anger at Meg. He hoped they would have another pup since she wanted one so much but he was glad she finally wasn’t going to stress about it. All he wanted was Desidarias happiness. He started going over vacation ideas so he could get away with his family. It was summer so Aubin had plenty of time off school so they could go somwhere and have fun.
Trevor decided to plan somthing out after Aubin went to sleep so they wouldn’t over excite him. For now he was just going to enjoy his family and be grateful he had them. Desidaria didnt have to be with him, probably shouldn’t be but she was and he felt blessed for every moment he had with her and their son.
~ the End ~