Eleos stared down at the large book open on the kitchen table. It was about animal cruelty laws in each state and what the punishment was for it. He sighed, feeling depressed. “Something on your mind?” He jumped at the voice in his ear and would have fallen out of his chair if Eleos had not grabbed his shoulders. His heart hammered loudly in his chest and he kept his eyes on his book.
“Jonah, are you lying to me?”
Jonah blushed. “Maybe a little.”
Eleos pulled back the chair next to him and sat down. “Tell me.”
Jonah glanced at him. “Shouldn’t you be going to work?”
“You know I don’t have to if I don’t want too. Now tell me what’s wrong.”
“I don’t want too.”
Eleos sighed. “This wouldn’t happen to be about the panic attack you had would it?” Sometime he hated that Eleos was so perceptive. He nodded, feeling sad and embarrassed. Eleos took his hand. “If I have to tell you not to worry about it again, I’m going to put you in a headlock. It’s okay.”
“Jonah, you were sexually assaulted, having panic attacks are normal.”
“I don’t want our relationship to be negatively effected in any way. I just want us to be like a normal couple. I mean we live together, we make dinner together, we cuddle, but I wake up screaming or in a cold sweat or get shaky when you try to touch me. It makes me feel so weak.”
Eleos grabbed his chin and tipped his head up. He smiled warmly. “Tell me what you want to do?”
“I think maybe I should talk to him.”
Eleos frowned and Jonah could see the anger bubbling to the surface at the thought of letting him be in the same room as his rapist. “Out of the question.”
“What if you go there and he tries something?”
“You’ll be there, please, I think I need this to help me move on. Can you get me in to see him?”
His sigh was a clear sign of defeat. “I’m sure the warden will let us in. I’ll call after work if it’s still something you want once I get home.” He leaned in. “May I have a kiss?” Jonah nodded and Eleos gave him a gentle kiss. “I love you, stay out of trouble.”
“Love you too.”
Eleos was beyond uncomfortable with this decision but it was Jonahs choice after all. He just hoped Jonah knew he wasn’t in any rush. There was no need to push things. Everything was just fine how it was between them. If they never had sex he would still be happy. He also hoped Jonah knew he wasn’t afraid to rip his rapists to shreds if he dared hurt his love again. There was no way he would let him get hurt a second time. he wasn’t sure he could forgive himself.
When Eleos got to his office, he checked his voice mail. There were a couple from the same person, a woman calling on behalf of her daughter about her lost dog. The third was another case of, I think my spouse is cheating. Next were his emails. There was one from a woman looking for her biological parents and another from Jonah’s campus asking to help find whoever was vandalizing their vending machines. “He decided to call the woman with the missing dog and the woman looking for her biological parents first. The others could wait. He sighed as he picked up his phone, his mind on Jonah’s request as he talked to the woman with the missing dog. He didn’t want him to get hurt again, didn’t want that monster to break Jonah. He asked the woman to describe the dog then promised to find it before hanging up.
His next call was to the woman looking for her parents. He asked her to send in any information she had and he would do his best to find them for her. Once he was done with that call he called the warden of the correctional facility Jonah’s rapist was being held at. “It’s Eleos, I need a favor.” He asked when the warden answered.
Jonah felt too down to read anymore and put his book on the living room bookshelf. He went into his and Eleos’s room and flopped down on the bed, burying his nose in Eleos’s pillow. He inhaled his scent, letting it wash over him. He closed his eyes, imagining Eleos was there, holding him and comforting him. He envied the closeness of other couples. He knew he would never be normal, he knew he would never completely get over his fears, but he wanted to be close to Eleos without thinking about his trauma.
Jonah got so completely relaxed as he lay in there bed he was practically asleep. Eventually he decided to stop being lazy and get some things done around the house. Cleaning was always a good way to help him deal with stress or his guilt over all the control Eleos had to keep. He hated how hard it must be to be with him, how hungry he must be for passion when all he could have was little touches here and there. He wanted to get better for Eleos, wanted him to have all the affection he deserved. Jonah deep cleaned the apartment until his arms were too soar to continue. He knew he still wouldn’t be able to get any reading done with any kind of retention so he turned on the TV and switched it to one of his favorite channels.
Eleos walked down the street in an irritated mood as he looked for the missing dog. He mumbled under his breath about how he should be home with Jonah instead of looking for a lost German Shepherd named Jerry. He knew he could leave work at any time, but he didn’t want Jonah to think he was babying him. He sighed as he scanned every alley he passed, hoping to spot the supposedly friendly dog and get it home. It was lunch time by the time he decided to take a break. He went to his favorite sandwich place and got a chicken sub then walked to a nearby park and sat down on a bench, watching as people passed by. He wondered how Jonah was doing and fished his cell out of his pocket. He knew Jonah wouldn’t want him fussing, but he had to check on him. He speed dialed him and held the phone up to his ear as he chewed his food.
“Something happen?” Jonah asked when he answered.
“Nope, just eating lunch and looking for a dog.”
Eleos shrugged even though Jonah couldn’t see him. “Not really, you think it would be easier to find a dog than this.” As if his words held some sort of magical power, the very dog he was looking for made its way through the park. “You must be my good luck charm.” He moved the phone away from his mouth and let out a high pitched, ear splitting whistle that got the dog’s attention. “Jerry, get over here.” He yelled and the dog’s tale wagged at his name. “Get over here, come on.” He brought the phone back to his mouth as the dog trotted toward him. “Listen, I talked to the warden today and it’ll be a couple of days before you and I can go talk to that bastard.” He heard Jonah swallow.
“You don’t have to do this.”
“Yes I do, we’ll never be a normal couple if…”
“That’s enough Jonah. I’m happy so stop talking about us not being normal, normal is..is…we don’t need normal.” He sighed, knowing he sounded angry and hated himself for snapping at Jonah. “Look, I’m sorry, let’s talk when I get home. I’ll close up shop early and bring Chinese.”
“Alright.” He sounded sad.
“I love you Jonah and I always will, I promise.”
“I know, I love you too.”
As Jonah hung up the phone he felt even worse. Eleos seemed annoyed about his want to be normal. Maybe he did whine about it too much. At this moment he really didn’t know why Eleos stayed with him and put up with all of this. Loseing his appetite due to snapping at Jonah Eleos threw away what remained of his sandwich and returned the dog to his owner who wrote him a check for the fee. Eleos used his cellphone to put it in his bank account then ripped up the check, throwing it in her garbage pail. Next he returned to his office to see if the woman looking for her parents had emailed him anything yet.
She had sent him an impressive amount, more than he was used to getting so he had confidence he could do this for her. The big hurdle would be if her parents wanted to meet her or not. He had found too many for his tastes that absolutely refused to meet their child. He felt that if you abandoned your kid you atleast owed them a visit if they wanted to see you as adults. One visit wouldn’t kill them even if they didn’t want more in the future with their child.
He read everything she had sent, all the information from the adoption agency and the city it was in. Her parents had given their names, but not the city they lived in which didn’t really matter since he knew they had either lived one city over or in the same city as the orphanage. He looked up their names on every social media site he could think of and came across a woman he thought might be the girl’s biological mother. He sent her a message telling her to call him then decided to get to work on the cheating spouse case. He gave his client a call and told her to come in if she wanted to talk and bring in any proof she might have to get him started. He was sure there wouldn’t be much for him to start with and he’d have to do quite a bit of leg work if he wanted to find anything. He put his feet up on his desk and tipped his chair back, staring up at the ceiling.
Half an hour later the woman arrived, her eyes red rimmed. At the same time his phone vibrated and he gestured for the woman to take a seat as he answered. It was the girl’s mother, something he found more important than a cheating spouse. “Sorry to bother you ma’am, but I was asked to find you. Your biological daughter wanted to know if she could arrange a meeting with you and your husband.” It was sad to hear that the woman’s husband had died, but at least she seemed happy to meet her daughter. “I’ll give you her email then and you can decide when the best time to meet would be.” He opened up the message he had received and gave the woman her daughter’s name and email. He wished her luck, told her bye then hung up. After he was done with the nearly crying woman before him, he was going to get dinner and go home. He needed to apologize to Jonah for snapping.
He got all he could from the obviously deeply hurt woman and promised her that if he really was cheating he would be able to catch him doing it. The second she was out he shut off his work computer, turned off the lights and locked up. He sent a text to Jonah so he’d know he was coming home soon. “I just locked up and am going to get our food. I love you. I can’t say that enough Jonah” He slipped the phone back in his pocket and hoped Jonah would answer so he wouldn’t feel quite as shitty. He was waiting on their order when he heard his phone go off “I love you too” was all he got back. Jonah was definitely hurting and he needed to get home.
When he made it home he hugged Jonah the second he could put the food down. ‘I didn’t mean to snap at you”
“Don’t feel bad. I shouldn’t have been so annoying..I don’t think” Eleos held hi tighter “you are never annoying and I’m an ass if I made you feel that way. I just want you to be happy and know that I’m happy. I don’t need sex, nobody does if they really love who they are with”
Eleos pressed a gentle kiss into his lips. Jonah’s heart stuttered and he gripped onto Eleos’s shirt. It wasn’t fair how his mind and body could go from desperately wanting him, to being terrified. Eleos parted their lips and gave him a warm smile. “I’m never going to leave you, you’re far too important.”
“You’re too sweet, I feel like I’m taking advantage sometimes.”
“I don’t mind.” He winked and Jonah blushed. “Now, dinner. You look starved, did you eat today?”
Jonah looked like a child who had just broken something. “Not really. I was just thinking too much and forgot.”
“If you skip meals I might start coming home to make sure you are. You need food to stay healthy, especially since you’re going to school.” He kissed his forehead and pulled some plates out of the cabinet. He dished out some food and they sat in front of the TV, watching Hot Fuzz. When they were finished eating Jonah told him to go and shower while he cleaned up. Eleos didn’t want to leave him so let him put the dishes in the sink then pulled him away.
“Can wait until tomorrow.” He pulled him into the bathroom and Jonah felt that familiar fear creeping in.
“What’re we doing?”
“I want you to shower with me. Just showering, no sex. It’ll help you get more comfortable being naked if you want too.”
“Of course.” He blushed. “Sorry.”
“It’ll give us a chance to talk about you visiting him. What you should expect.”
Jonah nodded, not knowing if being naked together was the best time to talk about his rapist. He trusted Eleos though and if he thought it was a good time he would. Eleos stripped down to his underwear then began adjusting the water. With Eleos no longer looking at him Jonah began to nervously strip off his own clothes, leaving his boxers until the water was ready. Eleos kissed Jonahs forehead when the water was running then slipped off his boxers. Jonah looked away, feeling bad for reacting that way and making himself look at Eleos. “are you going to take off yours now?” Jonah nodded and slowly began to make himself slip them off.
When he finally had them off, Eleos let him step into the tub first then got in behind him and wrapped his arms around him. He could feel Jonah quivering and kissed his shoulder. “It’s okay, we’ll stay just like this.”
“It’s okay, just relax.” He kissed the back of his neck. “I won’t do anything to you.”
“I know.” Jonah took a deep breath and leaned into Eleos. He knew he was safe and loved, that Eleos would never force him to do anything. “I’m okay.”
“Yeah, I love you.”
“I love you too.”
Jonah cleared his throat. “So, about my visit?”
Eleos’s arms tightened around him. “You don’t need to go Jonah, I’ll always love you.”
“I’ve made up my mind. I need this, I need answers and closure. I know you’re scared for me, but this is important.”
Eleos sighed, not wanting to get mad again. “He might try to scare you or make you think what happened was your fault. He was obsessed with you and showed no remorse. He thought you were his. I’ll be right there so you don’t have to be afraid. The moment you want to leave, we’ll leave.”
“okay, I’m sorry to put you through this.”
“Jonah, if you think you need this its nothing to apologize for. A lot of people feel the need to talk to the person that tormented them. No more telling me you’re sorry.” Eleos held Jonah enough to make sure he felt secure but loose enough Jonah didn’t feel trapped against him. They were naked, close together and talking about his rapist. Jonah couldn’t be very comfortable. When Eleos could feel the water cooling off a bit he asked Jonah “can we wash?”
“do you want to wash me? I promise I wont touch you back” Jonah blushed, pausing for a few moments before answering “okay”
“you sure baby?”
“yeah, don’t keep asking me or I might not” Eleos let Jonah go and Jonah grabbed their body wash. He put his normal amount in his hands and almost shakily rubbed Eleos’s stomach. As his hands rose to Eleos’s chest his eyes wnadered to the bullet wound he had gotten from the man who kidnapped him. Eleos had to give up being a cop because of him but Jonah knew that Eleos was happy in his work now so only the pain he knew Eleos must have suffered ever made him feel bad.
“It’s just a scar.” Eleos said.
“But it hurts, you’re always rubbing it.”
“It was worth it. Every moment of pain was worth saving you, was worth having you here now.” He kissed Jonah’s forehead. “Get clean okay, I’m tired.”
“Okay.” Eleos rinsed then got out while Jonah cleaned himself. He dried quickly and wrapped the towel around his waist.
“I’ll be in the room.”
Eleos knew Jonah was over thinking things again, but decided they were better to talk about later. He went into their room and pulled on a pair of boxers then jumped in bed and got comfortable while he waited for Jonah. He came out a few minutes later, his face red as he held tightly to the towel around his waist. Eleos couldn’t help but chuckle, the sound seeming to further embarrass Jonah. “Would you like me to cover my eyes?”
“You don’t have too. I…I like it when you look at me.”
Jonah kept a death grip on the towel right up until he was at the dresser and pulling out a pair of boxers. Eleos didn’t get to look for long but he had just gotten to be with Jonah in the shower so over all this evening had been a major win. When Jonah got in bed he moved close to Eleos so Eleos could hold him. “I have a cheating case to take care of but when I finish that I can take off work until we go to the prison. I don’t mind and it’s not like we’re tight at all for money.”
“I don’t want you to feel like you have to stay home”
“You know I enjoy any excuse to be with you Jonah”
“I have school though”
“true but with me not taking cases I’ll always be right here when you aren’t doing school”
“If you actually want to and we honestly can afford for you to”
“Yep, I’ll still check my email for things I deem important jobs but the ones that aren’t so serious I’ll pass by so I can be here for you”
“You spoil me too much.”
Eleos tipped his head back and gave him a soft kiss. “I just love you very much and I’ll do anything to make you happy.”
“And I want to make you just as happy.”
“Don’t be silly, you already do. Now get some rest.”
“Okay.” As usual Eleos fell asleep first and Jonah laid there for a time listening to his breathing and the steady beat of his heart. It was never easy for him to fall asleep, but he hoped that would change after talking to the man who had kidnapped him. He knew the trauma would never leave him and neither would the nightmares, but he hoped they would be less frequent and he’d be able to be a little more normal for Eleos. He hated waking him up at night after he’s had a long day at work. He finally closed his eyes, letting himself relax and the sound of Eleos’s heart carry him away. As usual he was plagued by nightmares and his terrified pleading woke Eleos who gently shook him until he opened his eyes. Eleos whispered how much he loved him, giving him as much comfort as he could while Jonah recounted the horrible nightmare and all that had been done to him. He found that talking it out helped and was glad he had Eleos to listen.
As Jonahs tears died down Eleos asked “want some icecream or anything? We’ll turn on the TV and I’ll just hold you”
“no ice creme, just turn the tv to Animal Planet and hold me” Eleos grabbed the remote out of his nightstand and changed the channel to Animal Planet. Eleos left the Television on until Jonah was back in a deep, restful sleep. Flicking the TV off Eleos laid down too, holding Jonah close to his heart and allowed himself to drift back to sleep. In the morning Eleos hurried out to get to work on his cheating case. He hoped the slimey jerk would pose for the camera today so he could get home to Jonah.
Jonah woke with a start, knowing he was alone before his eyes were even completely open. He rubbed his eyes then sat up, feeling groggy after another night of nightmares and staying up with Eleos comforting him. He sighed as he got out of bed and got dressed then went and made himself a bowl of cereal. Eleos would kill him if he didn’t eat something. As he ate he thought about what he might say to his abductor, what questions he needed answered and tried to imagine how the man would answer. A shiver ran up his spine at the thought of being so close. It was scary to think he would soon be looking his rapist in the eyes and being reminded of all that he had done. His stomach twisted and he took a deep breath. He knew he could do it, he was older and stronger now and he had Eleos. He was in control, the man was nothing more that a prisoner, collared and caged. Jonah knew he needed to face everything, that he had to be braver than he had ever been and show that monster he wasn’t giving up on life, that he had moved on and was better.
Eleos followed the man around, the camera on his cell ready in case he and the woman with him got close. She didn’t look much old than twenty, the youngest she could be was eighteen. They walked into a diner and he followed, taking a seat in the back corner, pretending he was reading. They talked for a while, a little awkwardly at first and then they were smiling and laughing. Eleos watched as the conversation turned and the man looked a little sad. He recognized the emotion, it was regret. He studied their body language then their faces and gave a sigh as he got up and walked over to their table. They both looked at him, showing a matching pare of eyes. One was a deep green and the other grey, heterochromia.
“Can we help you?” The man asked, looking nervous.
“Yeah, you can start by telling your wife you’re not cheating on her. She was in my office crying thinking you were banging some young woman.”
“What, Chelle came to see you?”
“Yeah, she had a recorded conversation of you talking to her.” He gestured to the young woman. “She’s your daughter right? Tell your wife then, a secret daughter you brought into this world on accident is better than you being a cheating scum bag.” He left the diner before he slapped them both in the back of the head for their stupidity. The girl was young so chances were, he had gotten her mother pregnant before meeting his current wife.
Jonah was surprised to see Eleos back so soon. “woah, done already?” Eleos sat with Jonah on the couch “he wasn’t cheating. He was seeing a daughter he fathered before meeting his wife. I’m guessing he’s been afraid to tell her. I don’t understand people somtimes”
“things like that can be awkward”
“If I hadn’t been gay all my life and found out I fathered a kid I’d tell you right away Jonah” Jonah kissed his cheek “I ate breakfast so you know”
“good, we should eat somthing nice for lunch. How about Macaroni Grill?”
“I’d rather eat here if that’s fine”
“sure, I can make us some Cumin-Crusted Pork Cutlets”
“Now that sounds good”
“alright then I’ll start the prep so they’ll be ready to go when we’re hungry” Eleos got up and was followed by Jonah into the kitchen. Jonah decided to make a dessert to keep himself busy. “what’re you doing over there?” Eleos asked as Jonah grabbed ingredients. “I’m making Blackberry-Apple Upside-Down Cake”
“I’ll help when my prep work is done”
“You don’t have too, I can do it.”
“I didn’t say you couldn’t, I just said I would help. If you really don’t need it then just say so.”
Jonah paused and glanced at him. “I can do it.”
Eleos moved up behind him, his arms circling his waist as he pressed a kiss into the back of his neck. “Hey, I wasn’t calling you incompetent or anything. What’s going on, talk to me.”
“I think I’m just on edge because we’re going to go see him. I’ve been trying to prepare myself.”
“We don’t have to go.”
“Yes we do, I need to. I’ll be alright, I promise. I’m just nervous is all.” He gave Eleos his best smile and for good measure, kissed him. “I love you.”
“I love you too.” Eleos went back to prepping his food while Jonah worked on dessert. The minute the cake was in the oven and a timer was set, Eleos pulled Jonah into his arms and started humming softly. Jonah rested his head on his chest and closed his eyes, enjoying the sound and soft vibration.
Eleos kept humming and holding Jonah, glad to be able to give him some comfort. When lunch came around both the meal and dessert were amazing. It made Eleos glad Jonah had wanted just to eat at home. They talked a little more about what might happen over the days before it was time to see Jonahs kidnapper. Even with all the prepping Eleos had given him Jonah just didn’t feel ready. He was getting sweaty and his heart hurt from how hard it had been pumping since the moment he woke up and realized what day it was. Eleos pulled over at the last nice gas station before the prison. He decided to get gas while they were there anyway so he pulled up to the pump. Before getting out he said “You are too scared. You need to calm down or he’s going to be able to see it. If that fuck smirks at you or shows any sign of victory he’s going to lose some damn teeth so we’re going to stop here and let you calm down.”
Jonah nodded and Eleos kissed him “He can’t hurt you baby. He’ll be handcuffed and they are going to shackle him too” Jonah nodded again and Eleos slid his credit card in to start pumping gas. When the car was full Eleos and Jonah walked inside to find somthing to snack on as they sat in the grass and got fresh air. Eleos grabbed hot fries and a dr pepper while Jonah grabbed Toms Salt n Vinegar chips with a yoohoo. They paid then found a nice spot in the grass where Jonah could unwind.
“You feeling any better?” Eleos asked after a few minutes.
Jonah nodded as he swallowed his food. “Yeah, I think I’m good enough to keep going. I feel like I’m making this whole trip more complicated than it should be.”
Eleos sat his drink down and wrapped his arms around Jonah’s waist and lifted him into his lap. Jonah blushed, his eyes on his hands, not wanting to see if they were being watched. “Hey, would you look at me?” It took him a moment, but he finally lifted his head. “You can do this and we can leave at any time. You’re in control now and no one can take that from you, not even me.”
“Of course, you set the boundaries and I adhere to them and everyone else will too or I’ll kill them.”
Jonah laughed and Eleos smiled before kissing him. Everything Eleos did was full of love and Jonah was thankful he had fallen for someone so devoted and understanding. “I’m ready, really.”
“Just remember, we can leave any time you wish.” They got up, gathered what was left of their food and drinks and got in the car. Eleos held his hand, brushing his thumb over his skin in comforting strokes that helped calm Jonah’s nerves. He stared straight ahead and felt his heart give a leap when the prison came into view. It was big with a chain link fence topped with razor wire and towers on every corner that Jonah knew housed lookouts with high powered rifles. They found a parking space and Jonah stepped out of the car before he changed his mind, telling himself over and over again that he could do this, that his rapist was nothing but garbage and would always be garbage. Eleos reclaimed his hand as they walked up to the front where they were stopped by a man in a guard uniform. Eleos explained who they were and the man let them pass through the gate and inside where they were both patted down and put through a metal detector.
Jonah didn’t like being touched by the guards, but he managed to stand still and not panic since Eleos was there. They were met by the warden, an older man with a black mustache and salt and pepper hair. He shook Eleos’s hand, but didn’t off it to Jonah, already knowing what he had been through and not wanting to scare him. “He can’t get up so there’s nothing to worry about. We have his ankle restraints chained to the floor.”
“Thank you Ken.” Eleos said and the warden had a guard take them to the room where the man from Jonah’s nightmares waited. For Jonah, walking in that room was like stepping back in time. Clint Berg had not aged a day and still had that same expression that made you want to trust him. It was the same expression that had pulled Jonah into a false sense of security and it was terrifying. Clint’s eyes shown with recognition and they still twinkled with that same sickening obsession. Jonah sat down across from him, his hands folded in his lap. Eleos took up the seat next to Jonah and reached over, taking his hand and lacing their fingers together. Clint glared at him, at the display of intimacy.
“You remember me?” Jonah asked after a few moments of silence.
Clint’s eyes jumped to his face. “Of course I do, beautiful little Jonah, look how you’ve grown.” He leaned forward a little bit. “I’ve missed you Jonah.”
“I came to ask you some things.”
“I still think about you, about us, about the fun we had.”
Eleos started to stand, but Jonah squeezed his hand which kept him in place. “I don’t care, I just want to talk. I need to know why, why me, what did I have that you wanted so bad?”
Clint smiled. “You were always so curious. I watched you day after day, such a beautiful little boy, your blue eyes were always so bright, like sapphires and your hair reminded me of raven wings. You had the prettiest smile Jonah, so pretty it made me sick that others got to see it. I needed you, needed to possess you, to keep you away from the others.” Jonah swallowed. “You betrayed me Jonah, you told them I was a monster and you left me.” His eyes moved to Eleos. “You took him, you stole him from me. You and I are not so different. Did you enjoy being so close to him, touching him. I bet you did.”
“Just shut up.” Jonah said angrily. “He’s nothing like you. He didn’t tie a fifteen year old boy down and force him to have sex, he didn’t make me crawl on hands and knees and beg him for forgiveness when I tried to escape, he didn’t beat me or get off on my pain. That was you, all you and you are a monster, sick and twisted.” He swallowed again, his anger giving him courage. “I thought I would spend forever hating you, but in truth I pity you. You’re nothing but a sad little worm who gets his kicks by raping boys. Eleos never touched me inappropriately, he protected me from you and got injured doing so, something he’ll always have a reminder of. I don’t care about you, you are nothing.”
“you do care Jonah! You’re such a fucking liar!” Clint seemed to be more of a beast than a man as he yelled. He started struggling against the restraints as he yelled more denials of what Jonah had said. Prison police rushed in despite the fact Clint could do no more than he was doing now. “you ready to go Jonah?” Eleos asked and Jonah nodded “yes, I’m glad I came. You’re pathetic Clint and now I fully can see you’re somthing to pity rather than fear” Eleos was glad Jonah was ready to leave. It didn’t matter how chained down Clint was Eleos hated the man even looking at Jonah again.
Once they were outside Eleos hugged Jonah to him “you really feel better now my love?”
“yeah, that did more for me than I thought it would. He really is a full out nut”
“Can i take you home now?”
Eleos never felt as relieved as when they were driving away from the prison. Clint left him feeling a myriad of emotions, none positive. Jonah squeezed his hand and he brought Jonah’s knuckles to his lips. They stayed silent the whole trip, Eleos still upset over the way Clint had talked to Jonah and Jonah gathering his thoughts. When Eleos pulled into their driveway, he sighed, feeling exhausted. “You okay?” Jonah asked.
Eleos smiled at him then unbuckled and leaned over, pressing their lips together. Jonah gave a little sigh of happiness and Eleos pulled back. “I’m very proud of you Jonah, you stood up to that monster without even breaking a sweat.”
“I was really scared at first, but then I was just angry, especially at the way he talked to you. I…I couldn’t stand it.” He pressed his forehead into Eleos’s. “I have to tell you something Eleos. If it wasn’t for you I would have killed myself. I thought about it, thought it would be easier to end the torment, but you stuck by me and held me together. I want to give something back.”
“I already have you Jonah, I don’t need anything else.”
“You deserve more, especially with all you went through for me. I’m not afraid anymore, nervous about things, but not afraid.”
Eleos stroked his cheek. “What are you saying?”
“I…I want you to make love to me.” His cheeks burned.
Eleos couldn’t believe his ears at first and he just stared at Jonah for a heartbeat. “Are you sure?”
“Absolutely, I want everything with you.”
“Come on.” He was excited, but knew he had to take things slow and let Jonah have the lead. They walked inside, his hand holding tightly to Jonah’s as he pulled him to their room. He stopped at the foot of their bed, his heart hammering in his chest as he looked into Jonah’s beautiful blue eyes. “You’re in control Jonah.”
“But, I don’t know how to do anything.” He looked down, feeling even more nervous.
Eleos tipped his head back. “Then I’ll tell you what’s good and what’s not, just do whatever you want. You just have to remember to stop if anything makes you uncomfortable.”
“alright” Jonah began nervously unbuttoning Eleos’s shirt. He struggled with the simple task and it embarrassed him more. “You’re adorable Jonah, don’t get upset” Eleos finished the job for him and slid off his shirt. “want me to take off my pants?” Eleos asked and Jonah answered “yeah” Eleos smiled in a way that reassured Jonah and took his belt off before unbuttoning his pants and pushing them down. Eleos was now bare aside from his boxers while Jonah remained fully clothed. Eleos’s heart was thundering with anticipation that he was finally going to be able to make love with Jonah.
Jonah began to feel Eleos’s body, even feeling his obvious erection. Jonah was surprised that he was half hard and nothing much had happened yet. “should I undress you or finish myself Jonah?”
“Yu..you can undress me”
“everything or somthing specific?” Jonah looked away “down to my boxers like you”
Eleos kept his movements slow as he lifted Jonah’s shirt off, his eyes staying locked with Jonah’s the whole time. He allowed his fingers to skim over Jonah’s chest and stomach to the waistband of his jeans. The younger man tensed and Eleos gave him a moment to breath, to rationalize his rising panic. “I’m not going to hurt you.” He said softly and locked their lips as he undid the button on his jeans and pushed them down.
“I’m okay.” Jonah whispered back. “It’s just my natural reaction, it’s not you I promise.”
“Tell me what you want me to do.”
“Um…I…I don’t know. I guess lay down.” Eleos climbed on their bed and laid down and Jonah’s blush turned from a light pink to a deep red. It embarrassed him that Eleos was just letting him have his way and he could barely muster up the courage to crawl up the bed. Eleos smiled lovingly up at him and his heart flipped while butterflies tickled his insides. He knew it had to be a sin he was so sexy, he was sure it was in some book he had read somewhere that looking like that was wrong. He leaned down and found Eleos’s lips with his own, the kiss helping chase away his fears and giving him more confidence. He let his hands explore, his fingers tracing every scar he had received in the line of duty. His lips followed and Eleos let out a moan of sheer desire and delight, the sound exciting Jonah beyond words. He only stopped when his lips brushed Eleos’s boxers and he pulled them off, not giving himself time to think it through. He wanted Eleos with every fiber of his being. “Can I?”
“Yes, please.” Eleos seemed breathless and his entire body jerked when Jonah’s mouth enveloped him. He moaned and gently tangled his fingers in Jonah’s hair, guiding him and whispering how amazing he was. When he was close to his release he pulled Jonah back, not ready to finish yet, wanting more. “Can I touch you too?” Jonah just nodded his head. “Would it be alright to take your boxers off?” Another nod and Eleos pushed them off.
Eleos looked at Jonahs face again as he gently took Jonahs hardening shaft and began to lightly run fingers over it. Goosebumps ran down Jonahs legs, he wouldn’t have thought running light fingers over his shaft would feel so good. Eleos then let his hands travel up and around Jonah, really feeling him for the first time since they had gotten together. His skin was so amazing. Touching him was so much better than he had ever imagined. “can I give you kisses Jonah?”
“please” Eleos’s kisses were sporadic and so were his hands as he kissed. Eventually he whispered against Jonahs skin “do you want to enter me?”
“Um…hu..how do you want me to do that”
“I can lay on my back or stomach for you.”
“Back..I…I would want to see your face”
Eleos brushed a gentle kiss against his lips then got up and went over to his chest of drawers, pulling the top drawer open and taking a bottle of lube out. He popped the cap open and squeezed some into his hand. Jonah watched him nervously and Eleos leaned forward, kissing him while he stroked Jonah’s length, making his gasp as he rubbed the slick lube over him. He laid back, pulling Jonah with him so he knelt between Eleos’s legs. “Just go slow.” He whispered, making Jonah’s heart go a million miles an hour. He stared up at him and Jonah looked back, his gaze never wavering as he pushed himself into Eleos. A wave of pleasure washed over him, one he could see being mirrored by Eleos, and they both moaned, Jonah shaking. He stayed still for a moment, trying to process his emotions and Eleos gave him gentle kisses and softly coaxed him into moving. He withdrew and sunk back into his depths, feeling tears in his eyes as he made love to the love of his life.
Between kisses and moans Eleos expressed his love for Jonah, letting him know how cherished he was, promising he would always be there. He bit and licked at his neck, nibbled his ear and begged him to go faster which made Jonah let out a shaky moan of pleasure. He captured Jonah’s gaze as he stroked himself, wanting him to see how easily he was pushing him to the edge. Jonah came with a loud cry of ecstasy and Eleos soon followed, panting loudly as he tried to catch his breath. Tears dripped from Jonah’s nose and Eleos reached up and wiped them away. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”
“I’m just happy, I never thought…”
Eleos gave him a gentle kiss then smiled. “I love you Jonah.”
“I love you too.” Eleos hugged him then gave him another kiss, feeling happy and satisfied. Jonah moved off of him and laid down, his head falling on Eleos’s chest.
“Hey sleepy head, we still need to shower.”
“Mmhmm.” Eleos chuckled at how exhausted he sounded and just let him relax there for a few minutes before shaking him and getting him up. Eleos couldn’t help but touch and kiss him as they bathed, thinking any minute he would wake up and this would all have been a hopeful dream. “So…um…will you ever do that to me?” Jonah asked softly.
“When you’re ready.”
Jonah hugged him tightly. “What if…I…can’t?”
“Then I never will.”
“I want you to, I’m just scared.”
“Take all the time you need to decide, there’s no rush.” He kissed Jonah’s forehead. “You are very precious to me Jonah, the absolute love of my life and I will never push you into anything you don’t want.”
“I’m your precious huh?”
Eleos grinned. “Such a nerd, a cute little nerd.”
“I love you too.” Jonah felt lighter and stood there basking in the warmth of their love, knowing from then on everything was going to alright.