Inside Out

~ Created with Breanna Vincent

Chapter One

The air was cold and crisp and the wind whipped across my cheeks. The cold air always helped to clear my head, to rid my mind of the thoughts that drove me to madness. Images flashed through my mind, tempting me into action. It had been three months since my last relapse. I could still feel the satisfaction as I gave in to my demons, and the remorse that plagued me after it was over. If only there was help for people like me, the dark and twisted of humanity.
I could see her, laying there, waiting for me. The look in her eyes begging for me to join her. Her body was so hot under my hands. Her moans in my ear as I explored every inch of her breasts. It was so different from the look she held in her eyes once I was finished, cold and staring off into nothingness. I wished she would look at me again as she did before, but as my hands closed around her throat, and her body writhed underneath me as I began to climax, I knew she would never look at anyone that way again. He body fell limp under mine as I finished and her muffled screams halted as she drew her last breaths.
I shook my head, nostalgia would only make it harder to control. My head snapped up as I saw someone approaching. There were always runners in this neighborhood, beautiful women pushing themselves for perfection. I turned to lock myself away behind closed walls. Maybe I should move.

Once inside I went to my computer to ease some of this sexual tension that had stirred from my memories. The internet was full of depraved people like me and we’d exchange pictures. Pictures were the only way I could have any space at all between my victims. I pulled open the folder of my favorites and instantly became rock hard. I gripped myself and quickly slid my hand up and down, moaning, never taking my eyes off the pictures. I came the first time, then again, I would have gone for a third but my cellphone began ringing with my mothers tone.

It may shock you but as depraved as I am I love my mother more than anything. She is a good woman and once again, it may shock you but she provided me with a warm, loving childhood. I honestly think I am one of those few that are just born broken. I couldn’t blame this on her and I couldn’t blame this on my dad. This was just me , this was just who I was born to be, loving home or not. As I cleaned myself up and got myself a drink I wondered once again how she would feel if I ever got caught.

My mother was why I was so careful and planned so much before I fulfilled my desires.I couldn’t hurt her by her finding out. I couldn’t have her being one of those mothers sobbing on tv, ashamed of their child. I just couldn’t let her carry the guilt I knew she would. She’d blame herself, the world wold blame her, they probably wouldn’t believe she had been as good to me as she was and even if I spoke up for her I was a sicko, the decay of society, nobody would listen.

When I was ready, I called her back. She sounded happy to hear me, she always did. “When are you coming to visit again sweetie?” She asked.

“Soon, I promise, I’ve been busy, but maybe this weekend. We can make a thing of it.”

“Your sister’s supposed to be visiting soon, it would be nice if you were both here together.”

“Sure, just have her text me when she’s arriving and I’ll make time for both you.”

“You sound tired?”

I frowned. I was tired, tired of fighting. “I’m fine mom, it’s just been busy, really I promise.”

“Well get some rest, you work so hard. Maybe get out and meet someone.”

I chuckled. “Come on mom, I’m focusing on work right now.”

The last thing I needed was to find someone because I knew that if I did it would be their last moments in this world. I shook the shame and lust away and proceeded to take a shower in hopes of washing away the monster. I got ready and headed to work, staying busy was always a welcomed distraction. Once at work I headed straight to my office, avoiding eye contact with anyone but as usual, it never worked.
“Don! Just the person I needed to talk to, we had a new case come in that fits the same profile as our Red Light Psycho.”
Shit. I knew I always covered my tracks but every time the call came in fear froze me in my place. I could feel the chills cover my body despite the sweat that started to pool at my neck.

“Are you sure it’s the same guy? Those damn hookers go left and right, what makes you so sure?”

“It’s the same M.O. Don, the sick fuck cleaned her up after and brushed her damn hair. This was articulated and not the first time and just with the other cases we haven’t found jack shit. It’s like this guy knows exactly what to do, ex-military maybe?”

“Maybe, just put the file on my desk and I’ll go over it when I can.”

“Don, I don’t think you are hearing me correctly, this guy is our number one priority. Get on it ASAP, that’s not a suggestion, it’s an order.”

The irony of working my own case wasn’t beneath me. The way they talked about me punched rocks through my gut, “sick fuck” and all, I still cared about my victims. How could you not after watching them take their last breath. They were a part of you after that, I saw them every time I closed my eyes. They haunted me, each and every one of them. They had only found four so far, my first I had buried in the marsh. She laid forgotten, rotting alone out there. The guilt made the bile rise in the back of my throat, I felt the nausea wave over me and hurried to the bathroom stall. It made me sick ever time I thought of her, cleaning them up so they could be found proper was the only thing that spared my conscience. It’s not like they would be missed, if their damn family cared so much they wouldn’t be whoring themselves out on the streets. Still, they had their identity, they had their soul. I saved them from the horrors that they were forced into every day. I saved them from themselves. Instead of having their faces smashed into the ground as some fat bastard rammed their pathetic cocks into them every hour on the hour they now lay at rest, peaceful and beautiful. It’s a shame no one understood.

As always I made sure I looked like I was truly concerned and concentrated on the file when I knew someone was looking at me. Even if I didn’t realize they would see my eyes glued since I had no problems looking at what I had done, guilt or not it turned me on. I did however have to worry about getting an erection. If one came on I would just think of the horrible things my co workers called me and it would bring me down. Sometimes I’d try to do that when I wasn’t at work so I could resist picking up another girl and killing again but it didn’t work half as well when they weren’t there looking at me.

This description was more accurate than the past ones. It wasn’t perfect but it was enough to get me considering buying a wig and maybe buying clothes specifically to wear when I went out for my next victim. I simply couldn’t let them catch me but I couldn’t stop either so that was the only answer at this point. I wanted to start shopping for those things now but I couldn’t at work, that would be too big of a risk if someone decided to be nosey.

I flipped through the file, even taking down notes, adding them to the many I had already written about myself. The story of me, scribbled in short, detached sentences, but it was still me regardless. The tapping on my desk brought me to attention and I found myself looking up into the face of one of my female coworkers. She was a good officer and hit the trifecta. Beautiful, smart, strong. She was strangely perfect, someone a normal man dreamed of marrying one day. “Yes?” I said as I closed my notebook.

“Planning on working through lunch again?”

“What?” I glanced up at the clock. Had I really been staring at my work that long? “No, uh, thanks, just this Red Light guy.”

“It’s pretty messed up isn’t it? I can only imagine what those girls must go through, especially after everything that’s already been done to them. I’ve talk to a few of them, it’s pretty sad stuff. Some of them have kids, but they say once you’re in the business, it’s hard to get out.”

I nodded as I stood. “Thanks for reminding me to eat, the boss is riding my ass on this one.”

“Well when you’re the best that kind of tends to happen. I’m kind of jealous, you getting the big case.”

Her interest in my case triggered a warning, an alarm blaring deafeningly in my ears.
“I’d love to join you for a bite, maybe you could throw some clues my way. Two eyes are better than one you know.”
She smiled at me, a smile I that I’m sure worked for her with any other man. But I wasn’t any other man. Despite her perfect illusion I knew that she only wanted in on the case and she had no other interest in me.
“Thanks but I think I’ll sit this one out, I already have plans and I seem to be running behind, but, um, yeah, maybe next time alright?” My awkwardness around her was embarrassing. She was just a normal person, I don’t know why I acted so differently around her. Despite being my ideal type my urge to satisfy my hunger was not brought on when I saw her. I guess I’ll just stick to my Red Light district and move on.
I sat at a diner and shopped for a disguise. Luckily it was close enough to Halloween so if anyone got nosy I could feign a costume. I checked my watch after I had found what I needed and cursed to myself. I had lost track of time again and hadn’t even touched my lunch. I need to be more careful, my recklessness could get me caught!

“Fuck.”

I hurry back to my office and rush past the officers and special crimes guys. They always looked at me funny, I wasn’t sure if it was admiration or condemnation. I go to unlock the door to my office but there was no need. I could have swore I locked it when I left, but it was cracked ever so slightly, as if someone left in a hurry. I open the door cautiously, although there was no reason. I doubt someone would be lurking in an office in the middle of a police station. Of course it’s empty, I knew it would be. I check my computer, it’s still locked. Even if someone had tried to get any of my information they would have been unsuccessful. I keep all of my sensitive information behind this screen, tucked safely away behind a web of firewalls and passwords. The tension in my neck eases as I feel myself relax. I suddenly freeze, the only thing left vulnerable was the case file I had on my desk. MY case, and as per my luck it wasn’t were I had left it. Why hadn’t I just put it away! Fuck fuck fuck!!! Was someone on to me or where they just curious to see the file? How would I now, I’m such an idiot! I mustn’t get caught, there’s no way that someone has figured me out. I have been perfect at every crime, cleaned each victim of evidence, swept the room for fingerprints before I left. None of my victims had family that I knew of so no one should be snooping around. Except her. Of course it would be her. She was just asking about the case, sticking her nose where it didn’t belong. The only thing I could think of to do was to confront her. But I had to be cautious. I couldn’t confront her as I was now, paranoid and frightened. I needed to see her as her boss and her as my subordinate.

“Fuck!”

Chapter Two

The next day, after I’ve had a whole evening to cool off I take the female officer outside and ask “did you go in my office and look at that file anyway?”

“No, why would I?”

“Because you wanted to see it”

“You’re paranoid, why would it even piss you off?”

“Because it’s mine” I snap, loseing my cool for a moment and she looks at me like I’m some sort of mental case, maybe she didn’t, maybe it was somebody else or nobody atall. I was a murderer, my mind was a little off to begin with so it stood to reason I was going full on crazy and I left my own door open just to make myself look like a psycho to my fellow officers. I decide an apology is the best way to go “I’m sorry, this case just stresses me out…worrying about those girls you know”

“well don’t let it turn you into a dick, like I said, we’re all stressed, most of those women have kids, kids that might lose the only care giver they have. Others still have friends and family that have to go through gut wrenching heart ache when they die or even just for their sake. Being a prostitute doesn’t make you any less of a person. These women are dieing and it isn’t right. I hate how dispensable people think they are, that it’s alright to kill them, how most of the public just judges them and turns a blind eye when they are wronged”

I felt that all too familiar knot in my stomach as it twisted. I had to get out of there, get away from her. “Yeah, right. Maybe I just misplaced it.”

“Are you alright?”

“Fine, just tired.”

I turned and walked away before she could say anything else. I needed the bathroom, but I did my best not to run there. I could feel bile rising in my throat and was lucky I made it at all before my stomach emptied itself. I rinse my mouth out afterwards and head back to my office, freezing when I see the file resting on my keyboard. Something didn’t feel right as I pick it up, my hands shaking as I flip it open.

I let out a cry and drop the file. I snap my head towards the door but it’s closed and the windows are down. I close my eyes and open them, then proceed to close them again. This must be a nightmare, it has to be, there’s no way. I step back slowly and hit the wall, all I could do was slide down and grab my knees towards my face. I bury myself, holding my legs as I shake, I don’t even think I could stand if I wanted too. I felt numb, lifeless, like I was seeing things from outside of my body. There is no way in hell that this is real right now. When did they find her? Why hadn’t I heard about it already? If they were fucking with me why was I not in cuffs? I could see my mother falling to her knees as she watched my face slandered across the news as the Red Light Psycho. For a crime like this I’ll probably get a private beating from the boys in blue, serves me right, sick fuck and all. I stand, slowly, as not to fall. I stare at the file for at least five minutes before I can muster up the nerve to open her back up.

There she was, staring at me, well, what was left of her anyways. The marsh had eaten her up pretty good and skin and bones blended with the murky water and nature had claimed her as one of their own. I could make out the remnants of her left breast, barely visible beneath the moss. I turn the photo over, unable to look at my carnage any longer. It was the only photo, just one singular “fuck you” from whoever had found me out. It couldn’t have been Natalie, there was no possible way that she could’ve gone into my office while I was in the bathroom.. right? If it wasn’t her, than who? Who had found my first despicable victim and why was I still standing here?

I start to feel severe chest pains so I force my body to sit down and I look at my horror once more. When my mind starts to run normally I rush into the chiefs office and say “I’m not feeling well so I’m must going to take the case file home to look at it while I rest” I’m confident he’ll let me, I’m one of his best detectives, I can do most anything since I’m so good at locking up the depraved such as I. The saying it takes one to know one hits me a lot. I so often think I’m so good because I’m one of them, the monsters in the night who steal someones life, someones friend, someones daughter.

I always try to comfort myself by telling myself they don’t have families or they don’t care but even I know deep down I delude myself. How am I to one hundred percent know there is no family and how am I really to know they haven’t tried to help if they exist. Family try to help family all the time, they try the best they can and nothing comes of it but them slipping right back into the same behavior. I don’t normally get so emotional, I don’t normally break the things I use to tell myself what I do is okay but right now, thinking someone knows, thinking of my mothers reactions I can’t lie to myself, I’m left with the raw reality of I truly am one sick fuck.

As I was sure he would he let me actually leave the station with the file in hand. Nobody tried to stop me and I prayed nobody would go to the chief and say anything since I was leaving. As I got in my car I actually considered for a few moments if I could kill all my fellow officers. I couldn’t have my mother finding out, the world finding out. Killing them all, it was my only option but pulling it off? I hadn’t the slightest idea of how I’d do that.

Doubt crept in, what if it wasn’t an officer at all? There are so many civilians who enter the station. I wonder if I can tap into the surveillance, that would tell me everything I needed. The only question was how to explain to the chief why I needed it. If I told him someone was in my office, then he will be looking for who it was. If they are caught they could reveal my true self. I couldn’t let that happen, I will have to figure this one out on my own. Maybe I should just run. I could book a flight to Europe before anyone knew to even look for me. I know my way around, I’ve investigated enough runners to know how it’s done. What would I say to my mother? How could I leave her. The agony wouldn’t leave my chest. I knew that even if I went to Europe or Belize or God knows where that I would just give in and kill again and it would all lead up to running for the rest of my life. On one hand I could just say i’m going on an adventure and I could travel the world.

I looked up after I parked my car and was dazed. I had driven to the park without even realizing what I had done. It was getting dark and my demon was taking control. I knew I could find a victim here with ease. What was I thinking with someone right on my ass!? How could I even contemplate giving in to my desires. But then again, if I was going to get caught, what was one more night of complete satisfaction?

I got out of the car, slipped my jacket on and zipped it up. I had to look like a normal every day guy looking for an easy lay. That’s all I was to these women, desperate, lonely, needy and they trusted that because I had a wallet. My heart rate spiked when I spotted her, her short skirt drawing attention to her long legs, her breasts pushed at her low cut top, threatening to spill out, and she was all alone, looking desperate. I grew hard as I thought of the things I was about to do to her, as I imagined my hands around her throat squeezing the life out of her, of her desperate gasps and struggles. “Excuse me miss.” The voice startled me as did the young man seemingly coming out of nowhere and right up to the woman I was approaching. “I think you dropped this.” I stood there frozen as he handed her some money. Who in the hell was this guy? She looked at him suspiciously at first. “Seriously, I saw you drop it. Here, get somewhere warm.”

“Uh, thanks?” She tentatively took the money, folded it and stuffed it in her top. Her eyes jumped to me, noticing me for the first time and she must have seen my thoughts because she looked almost terrified as she turned and hurried away.

“Too bad, she was cute.” He turned and looked at me, grinning. “Out prowling?”

“Excuse me?”

He dared to laugh and I took a couple of steps towards him. He quickly pulled out his phone and snapped a pictured of me and I froze. “Go ahead, I’ll be sure to email this to my friends. I bet your buddies in blue would be so surprised.”

“Who in the hell are you?”

He went through his phone, tapped something then held it up, showing me a photograph of my first victim. I felt the color drain from my face. “Took me awhile to dig her up. Don’t worry, I put her back. I bet she was beautiful, what a waste.” He put his phone away then pulled out his wallet and tossed it to me. I flipped it open and looked down at it. He was a P.I. Fuck!

“You here to turn me in?”

He shrugged. “That depends on you and how fast I lose interest.”

Chapter Three

Not surprising, he was looking for a pay off. Families were always quick to turn to P.I’s and I always warned them that most were shady. They would gather money on both ends as long as they could. “how much do you need to go away?”

“Six thousand and this isn’t a negotiation. I know you have it. You have just over that in your savings account. I always make sure to know precisely the kind of money I’m dealing with before confronting slugs like you?”

“slugs?”

“well I’m certainly not going to call you a man and before you say something stupid like look at you I’m not saying I’m high quality either, not as bad as you but I wouldn’t want my kids bringing someone like me home”

“You’re just as bad as me because you’re willing to let me get away with it” The P.I chuckled “You’re killing prostitutes, you’re going to get a slap on the wrist at best. You’d have to kill at least one person someone gives a damn about to be charged. You’re a cop, you know that, I’m sure that contributes to why you pick these women. For whatever reason even though we men beg for sex women are suddenly worthless if they give it out, especially prostitutes. It’s stupid and I don’t agree with it but even other women are quick to condemn prostitutes and view them as disposable because they trade sex for money. You’d be out in max three years most likely so I may aswell make money. Someone killing these girls has about as big of a chance as rapists do getting a long sentence. It happens but it’s rare. I don’t let all the creeps go, just the ones I know wont get punished.”

“Fine, I’ll get it out when the banks open tomorrow. Meet me back here tomorrow around one. I’ll use my lunch break to give it to you”

“You better show, I have a lot of evidence and while you may get a slap on the wrist you’ll still have to live in jail awhile”

I turned and walked away. My mind was spinning with the possibilities. Could I really get away with this? The real question that was prominent in my mind was did I want to let HIM get away with this? He had come into my work place almost getting me caught. Anyone could have picked up that file and saw my first victim in there, which wasn’t even on the books. He had threatened me and blackmailed me. That stupid son of a bitch. There was only one thing to do and I looked forward to it. He wasn’t my normal victim but he had to be dealt with. He was the only one who knew. This was the only way to keep my secret safe. I would feel no remorse for this lowly shit, I may even enjoy it. The only problem was the how. He wanted to meet here at the park in the middle of the day, I couldn’t just outright murder someone in the middle of a park. I could tell him that the bank put a 24 hour hold on the withdraw and then demand a new spot. I would say that it was too dangerous for someone to spot us exchanging a large amount of money. I was a detective for God’s sake, I couldn’t be involved in any scams, what if another officer saw? Even worse, that nosy Natalie. She was so hot on this case she could be following me as we speak. It was settled, I would meet him here, inform him of the hold and then tell him to meet me somewhere more private. No doubt he will have a safeguard. I will have to send a message saying he is going away for a while. I’ll just take his phone and when people message I could respond with excuses as to why I’m not around. As a PI I’m sure people don’t expect to see him much anyways and I’m sure he’s known as a shady asshole anyways.

At least the confrontation had subdued or at least distracted my incessant urge for a while. Now I could go home and call my mother. She was expecting me soon anyways. Then I’ll take this urge to my own privacy using other mediums. I started to get hard just thinking about it. The excitement grew and I knew I had to get home fast before my urges came back while I was out and the night crept on.

My head was pounding when I got to work the next morning. I had been up nearly the whole night after talking my mother, going between my computer and pacing the entire length of my home. I knew I looked like hell, my co worker’s eyes on me told me so. I wondered if they were becoming suspicious, if they knew I was up to something. “Wow, you look like someone dragged you behind a car.” Natalie’s voice grated on my nerves, but I managed a smile as she stepped into my office.

“Long night staring at the Red Light file, you know how it is.”

“Do you need any help?”

“No, I’ve got it, you just go on back to what you were doing.”

I could see my words irritated her and it actually delighted me a bit. I would give anything to tell her off. “Alright, well if you change your mind, you know where to find me.” She left I got up and locked my office door. I’m sure others would take the hint and would probably think I was trying to focus on work. My cell vibrated and I groaned as I picked it up, not recognizing the number, but answering anyway.

“What.” I say, knowing I sound frustrated.

“Good morning officer, or do you prefer Don.” It was that PI. “Maybe Donnie, sounds almost endearing doesn’t it? Like we’re friends?”

“What do you want?”

“Just calling to see how you’re doing, can’t I be concerned?” He laughed and and nearly threw my phone. “You’re pretty pissed aren’t you, I can tell. I bet I can guess what you’re thinking. I can’t wait to get my hands around that little shit’s neck. You’d like that wouldn’t you? I bet you thought about it all night. You should just join one of those clubs, I bet there are plenty of girls that like being strangled.”

“Fuck you.”

“If you weren’t nuts. Anyway, just calling to remind you not to be late, I’m a busy man you know and there are a lot of other people I need to blackmail. So, don’t keep me waiting mister Red Light.” He hung up and I started shaking, my fingers gripping tightly to my phone. That bastard.

Even if I had planned to actually give this fuck the money his taunt made it so there was no way in hell I’d do it now. I go to the bank during my lunch break in case he’s watching and talk to a teller about different options so anybody watching will see us having a discussion. I leave and head to our meeting spot and he looks audaciously smug “You didn’t even fucking try”

“what?”

“spare me the lies. I have many of your possessions bugged. High end ones too, pretty hard to damage even if you’re trying. I heard you at the bank and of course talking to yourself angrily last night. Most of the crazies I encounter talk to themselves so when I find them out I get in somehow to get more information. Also, if I die, you’ll be found out right away. I’m not stupid enough to reveal how but if you kill me you’ll regret doing it. I wont give you proof so if you’re brave, sure, kill me”

Every inch of my body tensed as I kept myself from lunging at his face and smashing that smug look right off of him. I fucking hate him! There had to be something I could do! Of course as the lead detective all I had to do was check out a bug locator and I could rid my house of his annoyance but there had to be something I could do about him. There had to be a way I could kill him without getting caught. I knew I couldn’t outright do it, it had to be covert, silent. It was time to stake this guy out. I’ve been playing the defense too long, it was time to play offense. I will follow him, watch his every move. I will find out where he lives, who he talks to, who he loves. What the fuck made him think he could mess with a serial killer? I will rip his life apart and destroy him before he has time to even step foot in another station again. I look up at him, and I smile. I could tell that this threw him off as his smile wavers.
“What ever you are thinking Don, just don’t. I already have control and I will ruin you at the flip of a switch. Just get me the money. You have until the end of the week. Don’t worry about a meet up, I will find you when I am ready.”

With that he turned and walked away. I turned as to leave but went around the bushes to keep an eye on him. I saw him turn and look around multiple times in case he was being watched, before he headed to his actual destination. Stupid fuck. I’m a lead detective, the best in Manhattan, you really thought you could dodge me? I see the license plate of his car and write down every detail I can think of. I go to the station and put surveillance on him as a suspect for the Red Light Psycho. It didn’t take long to find out who this guy was, where he lived, and what his favorite fucking brand of coffee was. I had everything I needed, I even had this bastards house bugged by midnight. Everything was place, now I just had to figure out how I was going to do it.

“Do you really think this Rick kid is the killer?” His boss asked him. “I mean, he doesn’t do much.”

“I just think he’s a suspect, I mean he’s a P.I. and suspicious as hell. He’s fishy.” I was going through all of the surveillance photos, looking for any type of opening. I couldn’t tell my boss I was watching him because the little bastard had found me out.

“If you say so, but if it leads nowhere, drop it, we need to find the actual guy, not waste our time.”

I waved him off and he left me alone. My phone vibrated and I groaned when I saw it was the enemy. “What do you want?”

“Don’t sound so frustrated, I’m just checking in buddy.”

“Stop calling me.”

He chuckled. “You know I can’t help myself, I love getting you all flustered.” I heard a chair creak in the background. “So, those cops following me are something. Nice guys, did you know they both really love Mexican food?”

“How?”

“I’m guessing you did a background check. Did you even bother too see who my dad was? He bled blue too Donnie, up until the day he died. Stake outs were my field trips.”

“You little bastard.”

“Come on now Donnie, you’ll learn just like everyone else that I always get my way. It’s not like you’re the only one I’m blackmailing, it’s just the others were and are smart enough to give me what I want. I could send you pictures, some of them you might even enjoy.” I heard him shifting around again. “Hey, just remember you can get rid of me, but you’ll never be rid of me. I’d haunt you, Donnie, every sick little dream you ever had would have me in it, I guarantee it because deep down we both know how guilty you feel.”

Chapter Four

“what’s the point in paying you then?” I growl and he just chuckled before hanging up. How in the hell did I get twisted in with such a smart, pain in the ass. “God damn it!” I can’t help but scream. I know I drew attention to myself but the careful control I always kept was out the window currently. I was far too angry and frustrated. Both times I thought I had HIM under my thumb only to find out he still had the upper hand was almost more than I could take. I was used to having all the control, I was used to being the manipulator, I was used to being the sickest person in the room but this man definitely dethroned me on all and I couldn’t have that.

“You know, he did take a picture of your victim with his camera, we could always make it stick.”
I jumped, startled. Chills ran down my body, fight or flight kicked in and my brain scrambled. I stood up and started towards her.
“How dare you threaten me!” I yelled. Thank God the door was shut now.
“Don! Calm the fuck down, I’m not threatening you. If you ask me those whores had it coming. They’re what’s wrong with this town. Take what you can get, even if it’s against the law. You know they’re all a part of the drug rings too, it’s just one big fucking circle. Each bitch down is one step closer to a cleaner Manhattan.”
I started at her in disbelief. Could Natalie really be on my side? How did she figure it all out, had she known all along?

“Don, look at me, listen to me. I want to help you. Trust me.”
She placed her hand on mine, my body was frozen, unable to move, to comprehend what was happening. This was either the best day of my life or the worst.

“come on, talk to me. I need to know everything to help you make this stick to him”

“everything?”

“yes, everything Don, please” I was so overwhelmed with fear and emotion and on top of that this was her, Natalie, the only woman I could look at without wanting to kill her. Maybe we could be friends? Maybe we could be more and I could finally give my mother the grandchildren she had been so deeply wanting? Maybe she could help me with the girls. Natalie could be perfect for me and I would be less suspicious if I didn’t live alone. “I’ll tell you everything at my house. We can’t talk here”

“alright, lets go” We leave the station, feigning I don’t feel well again and head back to my place where I take her inside and into my kitchen so we can talk while drinking much needed coffee. Hot cups in hand she prompted again “Don, what have you done? Help me help you get rid of this pest” I told her everything, from first victim to last. I spared no detail, even explained why I cleaned them up and made them look nice. She held my hand the entire time and I savored that contact.

“Is that really everything?” she asks when I’m done “it is”

“Thanks for confiding in me”

“It feels good to tell someone”

“well let me go home and think about how we can turn this all on the P.I”

“home? Can’t you talk it out with me?” she seemed a little nervous about staying but I didn’t blame her. I had just spilled my guts so I said “I wont kill you, I don’t get that urge with you”

“I…it’s just…”

“I’ll even take the couch and you can lock my bedroom door. You can cuff me.”

She opened her mouth to respond when my phone rang and I wrestled it out of my pocket, giving a frustrated groan when I saw the all to familiar number. “It’s him.”

“Answer.”

I swipe my finger across the screen. “What.”

“Enjoying yourself?” He says and then I hear a slurping sound like he’s drinking a soda.

“What do you mean?”

“Just wondering, I heard you weren’t feeling well.”

“Oh really?”

“Try not to die on me, I’d be bored.”

I couldn’t take it anymore, I hurled my phone across my room as hard as I could and only felt satisfied as I watched it shatter into a million pieces. A thought came across my mind, and it made me sick to the point I had to sit down. He had already told me that he had boys in blue working on the inside so he knew that I would be suspicious of my guys now. Watching my back, waiting for someone to cuff me or kill me. What if he told me that to throw me off, I mean, he obviously had people on the force working for him or he wouldn’t have so much information. The only question was, was it BOYS in blue or a woman, say for instance, the one standing right in front of me that I just told everything to. What if she was working for him?
Rage coursed through my body and I stood up shaking.

“Don, calm down, I know that you’re pissed but breaking shit isn’t going to help anything!”

I practically run to her, grabbing her throat and slamming her against the wall.

“Tell me you’re not fucking working for him! TELL ME!!” I scream.

Her face starts to turn beet red as she kicks and claws at my hands, begging for me to release my grip. I can’t see through the anger, the violence feels so good and I haven’t had a good fuck in months.

“P..pplease..” she spits out.

I shake me head, realizing what I’m doing, and drop her suddenly. I wanted to apologize but I knew she would run the first second she got, the only option was to play it off.

“Tell me you’re not fucking working for him, we both know he’s got guys on the inside, how else would he know my every fucking move. Then you come to me, feigning to know and sympathizing with me. Convince me to tell you everything, for what, huh? So you could run to him and give him more dirt on me? Are you trying to make me pay for what I’ve done, huh!?”

“Please, Don,” she pleads as she rubs her throat, face still flushed, “I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

I grab my head in anger, closing my eyes for a mere moment and next thing I knew I hear a loud bang and feel sharp pain in my head. After that my world goes dark. I didn’t even have time to regret attacking her, for scaring her enough to pull her gun and shoot me. After everything I had confessed to who wouldn’t draw their gun the first chance they got to defend themselves. She was smart, I knew that going in and I still lost my temper, attacked her and didn’t follow through as I should have. When I woke up I was cuffed to the hospital bed which a different officer watching me.

I learn fast she was wearing a wire. The other cops, people that were once my friends had heard everything. I’d have nobody now, nobody but my parents and I had just ruined their lives. They’d never have it normal again and would lose friends just as I would. They’d be the parents who raised a monster. I cried, not because my life was over but because theirs was and it was all my fault. How could I ever apologize enough to my mother or look her in the eyes again.

I was getting to stay in the hospital until I was better healed which was my only luck despite the fact the doctors had said it was a miracle I wasn’t worse off. With how afraid Natalie was she hadn’t made a good shot, it was just on enough to make me pass out a few days. I’d be in the hospital a long time though, the doctors couldn’t even give me or the police a round about time I could go to trial or go to prison for my crimes.

I look up just in time to see Natalie walk in, a sinister look on her face.

“You enjoyed killing those innocent women after you fucked them. You don’t deserve to live, thinking about it makes me sick.”

As she said this she was walking towards me, I wanted to defend myself but my hands were cuffed to the bed. She looked me straight in the eyes.

“Don’t move Don.”

Then, she did the unthinkable, and uncuffed one of my hands. What was she doing? I looked down at my sore wrist. I knew I should hate her but I couldn’t, I didn’t blame her for looking at me in disgust. If I was her I would despise me too. I looked back up only to see a gun in my face. There were tears in her eyes.

“You don’t deserve to live Don, not after everything you’ve done, after everyone you’ve hurt. You should have died the other day when I shot you. This time I won’t miss.”

“Please Natalie, no!” but it was too late. BANG

I wake up and sit straight in bed, sweating from head to toe.

“Don, what’s wrong honey?”

“You wouldn’t believe the weirdest dream I just had about us Natalie. Man, I was one sick fuck!”

The End.

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