Sevan watched as Katar played with the bunnies. She was so beautiful, his sweet, gentle Katar, his mind was consumed with her and it terrified him. Their relationship had started out strange, she had been in danger and he had swooped in like some white knight, though he would never think of himself as such. He sighed as he took her in, absorbed in her beauty and he was frightened. Sex, it was playing such a big role in their relationship lately and he worried it had something to do with his past life. What if it became an addiction? What if she hated him? What if he hurt her over it?
“Sevan?” Her voice brought him out of his thoughts and he smile lovingly at her.
“Sorry love, I was distracted.”
“You were making such a weird face, are you okay?”
“I’m perfect, you’re here.”
Katar looked down. Sevan had been acting so strange, like he was scared of something and she wished he would tell her why. “Okay, um I was wondering if maybe we should go somewhere.”
“Yeah, a trip, just us. We could visit your brother’s world. The last time we were there Freya said that there were a lot of places where you could go camping or rent cabins.”
“It’s winter there now.” He was worried about being completely secluded with her. At least here there was a town nearby and he could leave her somewhere safe.
“Please, we could get a cabin and enjoy the snow. Please?”
He couldn’t refuse her. Not when she seemed to want it this bad “alright”
“Thank you baby” Katar said as she hugged him. It was still odd to have a brother and he felt so guilty going to see them, knowing what he had done to his family so many times because Edmond and Freya wouldn’t kill him to spare their family and the world torture. He had raped so many women, had tortured and killed so many people in general. He had torn apart family after family and even when he hurt his mate Edmund let him live and it baffled him. It baffled him he even had Katar. That she could be with a man who had un repentantly done so much evil in his past life. Who had taken pride in all the people he hurt, killed or caused to kill themselves because they were so scared by his acts, how proud he had been of the women he disfigured while rapeing them.
He was a monster and to him there was no making up for his past life, there was no making things up to Freya for all that she and her children had gone through because of her husbands brother. That night he succumb to needing his mate again and made passionate love to her. When they were both spend he kissed her shoulder “I love you so much Katar:
“I love you too Sevan”
‘You truly are my world. I am undeserving”
“You’re an amazing mate Sevan” she said softly, obviously needing to sleep. The next morning they packed and left to see Edmond and Freya.
Freya was the one who answered the door when they arrived early in the evening, smiling happily as she moved to let him in. Sevan couldn’t help but take a glance at her barely there baby bump. He didn’t know much about children with the exception of the small snippets of memory he sometimes caught when he slept. He had other siblings, but their faces were still fuzzy. Edmond had been the most prominent in his memory, but his brother had explained that they had spent a lot of time together at one point.
“What brings you two here?” Freya asked as she went and sat down on the couch. “Edmond.”
“I know, just a minute.” He called from the kitchen. He soon came in and sat down next to Freya, pulling her close. “I had to get the pizza in.”
“Katar wanted to come. Do you know any good places with a lot of snow?”
“He means like a cabin.” Katar added.
“There’s a few campground around here, want me to look them up?”
“Please, I want a place I can really play in the snow.”
“Alright, give me a few minutes.” He kissed Freya then went upstairs.
“So, how’s the baby?” Katar asked.
“Doing great, I feel bad though, soon Edmond will be tired of pizza, but I’ve been craving it so much.” She rubbed her belly. “Not that he’d tell me, he’s all about trying to keep me comfortable.”
“He sounds like such a good dad.”
“He’s amazing. How about you two, planning on any kids?”
Katar blushed and looked at Sevan who looked at his feet. He hadn’t thought of that and hadn’t exactly been taking precautions against it. What kind of father would he be? Would he hurt his child? Would they turn out like he had? “We haven’t talked about it.” Katar answered, seeing his discomfort.
“well you should, they are wonderful. I’m so proud of all of mine. I can’t believe we’re going to be parents again in just a few months” They talked about the lives of Freya’s older children until Edmond returned with a few things printed out. He handed them to Katar then went to check on the pizza. “Oh this looks nice! Thank you Edmond” she said even though he wasn’t in the room. She knew he could hear her clearly. “You’re welcome” Edmond entered a short time later with plates of pizza, one for Katar and one for Freya. He handed them to the women then went back for some for him and his reincarnated brother.
“When will you two be heading over to the cabin?” Edmond asked. Katar looked at Sevan again.
“Tomorrow, if you don’t mind us staying the night.” He answered then took a bite of his pizza. He wasn’t particularly hungry, but he wasn’t going to be rude because he was worried.
“Stay as long as you like, you two are always welcome.”
Sevan gave his brother a small smile. “Thank you.”
“So, how’s Klien?”
“Same as always, being my big brother, making sure I’m safe and happy.” Katar said with an amused smile. “I keep telling him we could find a way to separate us, but he refuses until he finds a mate. I sometimes think he puts it off because he’s worried something might happen.”
“He’s quite attached to you.”
“I’m grateful, but I wish he would find happiness. I don’t want to hold him back.”
Freya laughed. “I think if he was unhappy, he would tell you. He doesn’t seem like one to mince words.”
“Yeah, you’re right, I guess it’s just me being a sister.” She smiled. “But when he falls in love, I’m making him go with me to get us separated. It would be too awkward calling on him when he’s with his mate.”
‘Yeah” The conversation now shifted to the cabin and the best ways to get there. It was really nice hanging out and unwinding with Freya and Edmond for the remainder of that day. They truly seemed so happy and it gave Sevan some hope for himself. Edmond had never been as bad as he was but he had still been quite the monster himself when he first found Freya. It was why they had previously hungout so much. Over the years he slowly started treating Freya better and now they were in such a good place. He was already so happy with Katar and he treated her well from the start, at least he tried to anyway. He just had a hard time shaking he might fall back into that man he once was. That he’d terrorize Edmonds family again, that he’d ruin peoples lives again or worst of all he’d hurt his Katar in some way and nobody would stop him. Maybe Klien would try but someone more powerful like Edmond and Freya would need to and he knew they wouldn’t.
He tried to stop sulking so much when they left the next morning. He could see how much he was worrying Katar and he couldn’t stand that, it was a form of hurting her and it wasn’t acceptable. “I love you” she said sweetly in hopes she’d make him smile. She got precisely what she wanted. He smiled at her and stopped a moment just to hug her “I love you too, so very much”
Katar was so excited when they finally made it to the cabin, all the snow made it look like some kind of wonderland. The park host had given them a little map so they would know where the hiking trails were as well as the lake. He warned them that the ice was thin and not to go walking on it just in case it gave way. Sevan admired Katar as he lifted their luggage, loving how happy she looked. She was so beautiful, like a snow angel and when she turned and smiled at him his heart nearly stopped. He felt the need for her creeping in and looked away. She had wanted to have fun, not be trapped in bed with him the whole time.
Katar frowned at his avoidance and headed inside, wondering if maybe she had done something wrong. He followed her inside and headed straight for the room and she went with him, wanting to help unpack. “We should go out.” She said as she pulled their bathroom stuff out of the bag.
“Yeah, it’s so pretty out.”
“Alright, just keep your jacket on and don’t wander off.”
“I won’t silly, I’m sticking to you like glue.” When everything was put away, they headed back outside, Katar taking Sevan’s hand and letting him lead her past the lake to one of the trails. He kept glancing at her, getting lost in her scent and warmth. “I can’t believe how much snow there is.” She said and he couldn’t help but smile.
“It’s so quiet.”
“I love that about the snow, it’s so mysterious.” She stopped and picked some up. “Want to have a snowball fight with me?”
“Sure, but I don’t think I’d be very good. I’ve never had one, not in this life or…you know.”
She hit him in the side of the head with it, surprising him. “You’re already losing.” She scooped up more as she ran away from him and he watched her for a moment, his instincts telling him to give chase. He dodged the next one she threw and picked up some snow, packing it into a ball and giving chase. She squealed as he pelted her and it wasn’t long before he had her hiding behind a tree. “I give, I give.” She said as she peeked out at him, a happy smile on her face.
“I don’t believe you, come out with your hands up.”
She ran at him, jumping into his arms and smashing snow into his face, causing him to lose balance and fall back into the snow. He rolled her under him and she giggled, her eyes so loving and trusting as she reached up to brush snow out of his hair. “Are you planning on having me right here in the snow?” Her cheeks were red and he couldn’t tell if it was from the cold or from a blush.
“Sevan, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing, just a little tired. You know how it can be traveling between worlds.”
“I can tell you’re worried, but I want you tell me when you’re ready, I’ll listen, I promise.”
He gave her a gentle kiss and pressed their foreheads together. “Let’s get you back, you’re cold.”
He lifted Katar up out of the snow and held her close. The only sound as he walked back was the noise of walking through the snow and Katars heart beat. When he got her inside he ran a bath for her and told her he’d make her hot choclate while she got warm “You won’t soak with me”
“I don’t feel like it” he said but he was still worried about winding up having sex with her again. She was his mate, they were supposed to do more than just fuck but he couldn’t help himself. “Okay” she kissed his cheek and went to the bathroom while he went to make her hot chocolate. When she was dried and dressed again she came to Sevan in the living room and took her cup “this is perfect”
“Are you having fun, baby?” He asked as he gently ran his fingers through her hair. Everything about her was so soft.
“Oh yes, thank you for bringing me.” She leaned into him with a happy sigh. “How about you, are you feeling better?”
She took another drink of her cocoa then sat it down and moved onto her knees, her arms slipping around his neck so he looked into her eyes. She smiled lovingly at him and pressed their lips together and he found himself pulling her onto his lap, his fingers tangling in her hair to pull her head back so he could get at her neck. He felt not only the stirring of desire, but of hunger as well. The taste of fresh blood was so tempting and even more so since it was hers. He pressed a kiss to her neck, fighting the urge to sink his fangs in. His lips found their way back up to hers and her smiling against his lips had him pulling back to look at her. She looked so happy. “I love you, Sevan, you know that right?”
“Then stop frowning, your face will get stuck.”
“If that were the case, it would have happened long before we met.” He stroked her cheek and she gave him another peck on the lips then hugged him. She accepted him so easily, loved him no matter what he had been, but doubt still weaseled its way in. He wondered if his need for her was normal or if he would get worse. “Are you hungry my love?”
“For food or for you?” He hugged her tighter and she giggled. “I’m kidding, but I couldn’t help teasing you.” She wiggled in his lap, letting him know she could feel his excitement.
“I can’t help it and I meant food. The host said there was a small store nearby, I could go and get some stuff.”
“By yourself, it’s snowing.”
“I’ll be fine, you stay here and relax.”
“You just got warm, please, I wont be long Katar”
“Okay then, but hurry”
“I love you too much not to. Stay inside and lock up behind me. I want you as safe as possible” They kissed again and she walked him to the door “Sevan” she said as he stepped on to the porch “Yes baby?”
“You’re a good mate” She still didn’t know what was wrong but she was hoping that would help. He smiled at her and came back to hug her one more time. “please don’t forget to lock the door” he reminded her then walked off. She shut the door and locked it then went to check if the windows locked. She wasn’t too worried but she thought it would make him feel more secure with them out there.
Sevan breathed in the cold air as he walked, let it calm him. Being so close to her was becoming more challenging. He still had nightmares, not that he told her. He tried not to wake her, not wanting to trouble her with the sins of his past life. He remembered Edmond telling him that Gossamer had not been born evil, it was something he had learned after years of abuse and had accepted as a part of him. He tried to remember when the darkness had consumed his past self, but it was lost somewhere in the ocean of memories, covered up by the countless victims, the beautiful, innocent women like his mate. He looked at his hands wondering how Katar wasn’t afraid of them touching her. She told him many times that his past wasn’t who he was now, but there were parts of him he feared he would never be free of. He also worried that talking to her about how he was feeling, about the urges he was experiencing would frighten her.
When he finally made it to the store, he focused on finding things she would enjoy. When he had what he wanted, he took it to the counter and noticed the cashier kept glancing at him. Could he sense the predator standing across from him? “Are you okay?” He had to finally ask.
“Sorry, I was studying your aura.”
“My aura? Are you a psychic?”
“Just with auras.”
“Oh, is mine truly that bad? I’ve never seen it so I wouldn’t know. I apologize if I make you uncomfortable.”
“It’s not that, it’s just you’re colors. Red and orange with a bit of black dancing through it.”
“Black? Is that bad?”
“Not really, I see it a lot with demons, werewolves, vampires like yourself. It’s the beast, it causes the shadows. I get a bit curious when someone new comes in, don’t mind me, it’s a habit of mine. If it makes you feel any better, the red and orange are the more dominant colors.”
“I see.” He paid and picked up the bags. “Thank you.”
“No problem” Sevan was a little confused about that situation but he just viewed it as something to talk about with Katar, something that would maybe keep their clothes on so he could spend time with her that wasn’t making love. When he got back he was happy he had to knock. Katar quickly answered and helped him put stuff away “Oh my gosh, you got basically all my favorites”
“I grabbed everything I saw that I knew you liked”
“Thank you” she kissed his cheek and he felt that familiar warmth in his heart. Katar, his amazing, beautiful angel. Once everything was put up Katar asked “could we cook something? I’m getting hungry”
“of course baby, you pick”
“I want those burgers you bought”
“Burgers it is”
“I met someone curious at the store, an aura reader.” He said as he cooked and she chopped up tomatoes, onions and avacado.
“The people who experimented on me had one. They were trying to see if my eye gave me the ability. So what color’s do you have?”
“Red, orange, and black he said.”
Katar smiled. “That suits you.”
“Well red is a the color of passion and sex, orange can represent stamina and courage, I don’t know about black.”
“He said vampires, werewolves, and demons tend to have it. It’s the beast, you the shadow.”
“Makes sense. It’s animalistic, wild. It’s not a bad thing.”
“I feel better knowing that”
“you know speaking of which, we normally have sex a lot more. On top of you acting weird it’s concerning baby” He nearly cut himself but managed not to. He stopped what he was doing and looked at her. She blushed and he began to speak “I..well I feel bad about how much sex has become a part of our day to day. I feel” he was having trouble expressing it out loud to her. “you shouldn’t feel bad” she looked away, too embarrassed to be talking about it and looking at him “It’s not like it’s just about you when we do it. You always make me feel really good. I mean, we have a lot of foreplay and hardly any of that part is about you it seems”
“You don’t mind it? It doesn’t scare you”
“No baby, of course not. You aren’t who you were in your past life. I know you’d never hurt me or force me into anything I didn’t want to. I enjoy having sex with you so if thats what has been bothering you please stop worrying about it”
“I feel like it’s out of control. I can’t be alone with you without wanting you, I can’t touch you or kiss you. I should be able to control myself, to let you breathe, but you’re so tempting I can’t fight it.”
“I could hurt you, Katar. What if I got too rough or did something unforgivable? I know my past, I still see it when I sleep and I…I can make you into a victim.”
“Sevan, nothing you do could ever frighten me. I love you.” She came up on her toes, her arms wrapping around his neck to pull him down to her. His arms went around her waist as their lips touched and he moaned, making her heart jump. Her stomach growled and he pulled back, smiling at her embarrassed face. “Well, at least you’re smiling.”
“Go sit and let me finish this so you can eat.”
“I can still help.”
“Want to mix us up some lemonade then.” She nodded and he let her go, his eyes lingering for a moment before he turned back to cooking. He felt some of the worry slip away, but there was still the matter of children. Now that Freya had brought it up, he was sure he should talk to Katar about it. He knew she would make a wonderful mother, she was so bright and loving, how could she not.
Katars humming soon had his mind at ease, if only for a short time. She often hummed while making things. They were a little ways into their dinner when he decided to go ahead and bring it up “so…kids? Is that something you want?”
“Yes, very much”
“why haven’t you asked me?”
“I wanted to wait for you to bring it up. I know how much you worry and I didn’t want to pressure you into kids before you were ready”
“You should always tell me when you want something Katar. Letting me know isn’t pressureing me”
“I’m scared but you’re such a good woman Katar. Even if I fall short I know you would be a good enough mother to make up for it”
“don’t be silly Sevan, you’ll be a good dad. You need to accept you aren’t the man you were before. This life time you’re good and you’ll always be good.” She had so much faith in him. It seemed absolutely unshakable and he would never be able to thank her enough for that.
Katar couldn’t get her mind off of babies as they finished their dinner. Her mind was already whirling with names and if they would have a boy or girl or multiples. She helped Sevan wash dishes and was only brought out of her thoughts when he scooped her up and carried her into the bedroom. “Let’s start now.” He said softly as he laid her down and got over her.
“You’re not worried anymore?”
“Of course I am, but I want you and I want to give you everything.”
“Can you promise me something first?”
“Don’t hold back anymore okay? I know you’re scared, but seeing how much you need me…” She blushed. “It makes me really happy and makes me feel beautiful so please don’t worry about that anymore. I love all of you and want all of you.”
“I promise I will try.”
He let himself really enjoy her this time without his fear holding him back. He just let himself touch, feel and experience his beautiful mate the way he wanted to. He got goosebumps with every moan and lost himself in the mind blowing sensations she caused. They began trying a few times a day as they stayed in the cabin. All the while still enjoying playing in the snow and cuddling by the fire. They both agreed early on in the week they would have to do this at least once a year.
Katar was a little sad their last day there as they packed to go home, but was glad that having this time away from everything had helped Sevan feel more secure in their relationship. “We’ll be back for Christmas.” He said as he wrapped her in a hug.
“I know, I just had so much fun here with you, and I really love all this snow.”
He smiled and her heart fluttered in her chest. She loved how much happier he seemed now. “You’re so cute my love, but I promise we’ll be back. Edmond would kill me if we didn’t come back for the holidays.”
“It’s good to spend time with your family.”
“Our family.” He said, gently stroking her cheek. “And soon we’ll have children of our own and they’ll get to be a part of it.”
“I love you, Sevan, don’t forget that and please don’t hide things from me anymore, I want to know when you’re scared so I can reassure you.”
“I’ll work on it.”
They left the cabin and headed back to Edmond and Freya’s where they stayed another night. Sevan took a moment to speak to his brother alone and was happy to find he wasn’t the only one addicted to his mate. Edmond reassured him by telling him all he needed to do was listen to Katar and like Freya she would speak up if there was something she didn’t like. When they finally went home the next day, he felt like a burden had been lifted from his shoulders. He knew there would still be nightmares and the he would still worry, but he knew that there was no real reason to doubt himself.
“Someone’s happy.” Katar said after settling into bed that night.
“Of course I am, I have you. You make me a better, stronger man Katar. I want you to know that I am honored to be your mate and humbled by your love and acceptance. You’ve make every moment worth living.”
“You’re going to make me cry.” She kissed him and snuggled into him. “I really love you.”
“I really love you too.”